1. |
Intro (Humility)
01:47
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I've been hiding in humility
Trying to stay small
Ah, but underneath
(Who do you think you are?)
Won't you listen to my story?
Mmmm...
Who do you think you are?
Give it up, baby
Mmmm...
No more hiding in humility
The world would be a brighter place
If you would shine, baby
(Who do you think you are?)
No more waiting for the shape of my dreams to be
Acceptable to me
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2. |
Theology
05:21
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Got all my energy stuck on rewind
It don't hurt much, it's just frozen inside
I'm tired of how I'm feeling all the time
With all my energy stuck on rewind
These gods I've made of men ain't no gods attuned
To reciprocity, to receptivity, I conclude
Made in the image of them, I'm doomed
These gods I've made of men are gods I refuse
Mmmm...
Mmmm...
I'm in need
Of new theology
My body is the way that I will know peace
My allegiance is to awakening
My body is my friend in time of need
My body is my friend in time of need
Oh, my body is a friend to me
My body is my friend in time of need
Oh, my body is a friend to me
My body is my friend in time of need
Oh, my body is a friend to me
My body is my friend in time of need
Oh, my body is a friend to me
My body is my friend in time of need
Oh, my body is a friend to me
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3. |
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I've spent much of my life thus far trying to do two things: the first is to escape my body, the second is to meet G!d.*
I've recently learned that these two goals are pretty incompatible.
In the Book of Job, Job laments, but also promises: "I will behold G!d while still in my flesh." I think if we are to ever touch the divine, it will be with the hands we already possess, in the flesh that we already belong to.
May you be blessed to know that your body is your friend, your first and last love, and the site of revelation. Your body is your friend in your time of need.
----
Wordless singing
Are you still, are you
Are you still breathing?
Are you still, are you
Are you still breathing?
Wordless singing
Are you still, are you
Are you still breathing?
Are you still, are you
Are you still breathing?
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4. |
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How long must I be
Alone with my feelings?
I run instead,
I push it right up to the edge
It's a river
Quick enough to take your life
I feel the inner life
In every frown
I board a pleasure boat,
Get high and drown it out
But I'm always scared
Someone's gonna find me out
Within the blizzard
From which I sing
There is a still and quiet place,
There's a chance of spring
But oh –
I've tried everything
I can no longer be
A stranger to my feelings
If I put myself in one river,
It would flow to the sea
The wind, so long
So long awaited
It blows through this town
And I lay my old defenses down
The worst weather dissipates over time
And when it comes back,
I'll run to meet it with happy eyes
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5. |
Ready For Love
04:39
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You of many names,
I invite your witness
There is room inside this loneliness
I am looking for teachers
I am looking for friends
I am looking for lovers and mystics
And kind strangers
I am looking for my brethren
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
Are you ready for love?
'Cuz I am ready for love
Love, love, love
Divine friend, I invite your freedom
In this season, it's what I need
I am coming from breakdown
I am coming from shame
I am coming from years of pursuit
In a quiet fury
Coming from a narrow place
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
Are you ready for love?
'Cuz I am ready for love
Love, love, love
When somebody loves me,
He won't put me down
Nor will he mollify me
By holding me somewhere above the ground
And for me to receive it
I first got to know that it's in myself
I would be whole then
And even holy without him
I would be my own friend
This time around
I give my blessing to heartache
I give my blessing to doubt
I give my blessing to pleasure, respect
I bless gentleness
'Cuz I know what it's all about
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
I am ready for love
Are you ready for love?
'Cuz I am ready for love
Love, love, love
I am ready for love
(You of many names.
(I invite your witness)
I am ready for love
(Divine friend,
I invite your freedom)
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6. |
Wilson's Blessing
02:06
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So, I really procrastinated on offering this blessing and this invitation, for a lot of reasons, but I think one of the main ones was because I felt like I couldn't touch or access that part of myself that I felt Ben accessing in himself in the song. And I felt like I couldn't offer anything that would be up to par with what he was offering. And I still kind of feel that way, but it's from that place I want to explicitly offer what I want to share.
And so, what I want to share is this:
RuPaul, in her infinite wisdom, likes to say that "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" And I guess I want to say that's kinda bullshit? At least sometimes. Sometimes we just can't love ourselves. We're too covered in shame, or trauma, or guilt, or all of the above. And I guess what I want to offer is, if today, or this hour, or this minute, you can't muster up the ability to love yourself, just remember someone loves you.
And don't assume that person's a fool. So trust that they're seeing something in you, even if it's small, that is worth saving and celebrating and holding. They're not crazy. And just try to keep that flame safe until you can look at it again.
And that's all I've got.
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7. |
Rejoice
05:02
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I am on the way
On the way
I won't get there today
But I am on the way
Come play with me
Come play, come dream
No hesitation, no urgency
Come play with me
When all is calm
I listen to the call of G!d
All of me, seeing
Everything is listening
To me, personally
Illuminating the
Dark and holy place
I know myself to be
I rejoice, rejoice
Rejoice
I raise my voice
I rejoice
I rejoice (I rejoice)
I rejoice (I rejoice)
I rejoice (I rejoice)
I rejoice
I raise (I raise)
My voice (My voice)
I rejoice
When all is calm
I listen to the call of G!d
All of me, seeing
Everything is listening
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8. |
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I invite you in this moment to love you. To love you enough to make every single change that needs to happen in order for you to thrive and to live in the fullness of your joy, To rejoice in the goodness that life has to offer.
I open space for you to get that healing that you need to fully love you – love you enough to want to be grounded, to want to be authentically you. To push back against the images that tell you you're not worthy, that you must be extraordinary to be valuable.
Instead, embrace the face that you are deserving of every good thing simply because you exist as a human being on this Earth, and the world is better for it. Love yourself enough to grow into a love that is so strong – with you, with G!d, with Divine – that nothing can break it. We are here for you. Love you. Because I do.
---
Open up your heart, babe
It must be lonely
To feel you must change
Open up your heart, babe
There is a stillness
Waiting there for you
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9. |
Saturn
05:54
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It's the moon I love
More than anyone
No, it's this dream I have
Of being someone
Shame, it trembles inside
As I drive into the night
Is there something wrong with me
That I can't see
All the love in my life?
All the love in my life?
Saturn,
I catch your likeness in the mirror
I see myself in rearview,
Stuck in patterns
And I seek release
Saturn,
I wrap myself up in your orbit
Got me feeling so frightened
But I'm done with fighting
This change
That I know I need
When your back is turned
There's a way out
It's your willingness
To turn around
If you meet me on the street,
I might smile and kiss your feet
But if you meet me in my room.
I could outrun all your gloom
On the road to happiness
I got lost, I failed the test
And now I see
I owe myself a reckoning
Saturn,
I catch your likeness in the mirror
I see myself in rearview,
Stuck in patterns
And I seek release
Saturn,
I wrap myself up in your orbit
Got me feeling so frightened
But I'm done with fighting
This change
That I know I need
Return to me
Something is beginning
My joy, my joy is the joy of thee
My joy is the joy of thee
To that child I was
We are not enemies
The only dream I have
Is just to be
As the planets rule the sky
So I am ruled by my delight
And as a blaze consumes a fortress
I let go what's outgrown its usefulness
I'm on a long, long drive
But I'm on the way to paradise
There is so much love in my life
Such love in my life
There is love in my life
Love in my life
Love in my life
Such love in my life
There is love in my life
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10. |
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I draw myself close to your praise
I draw myself close to the way
The joy that moves in you
Finds welcome in me
I welcome you into my grief
I welcome these parts of me
That long for healing rain
But hide from view
When the thunder comes
Wrap yourself in this love
And go inside, we all need some time
In the sacred embrace of it all
I draw myself close to your praise, to your praise
I welcome you into this place, to this place
I draw myself close to your praise, to your praise
I welcome you into this place, to this place
I welcome (Go inside)
I welcome (To the sacred embrace of it all)
I welcome (Go inside)
I welcome (To the sacred embrace of it all)
Go inside
Go inside
Go inside
To the sacred embrace,
The sacred embrace of it all
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11. |
Outro (Rescue)
00:55
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I who need rescue
I keep you in sight
And I wonder what I'm under
That keeps me from light
And I give to what I went through
What I worried, what I became
Just a bit of my tenderness
And joy in my way
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Ben Freeman New York, New York
Hey, I'm Ben. I make songs about the big hurts and quiet joys of being alive. My music is sensuous and big-hearted and rewards slow, intentional listening. I really hope it touches you.
Peace,
b.free
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